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  • Writer's pictureDeborah Bright Wolf

When the mother disconnects

When the Mother disconnects from herself, the child feels the disconnect & internalises it & disconnects from the world.

It doesn’t know what else to do.. it suddenly feels as though the warmth from the sun has gone out.

And being connected to us for 9 months.. the child has learnt to regulate with us, so when we disassociate from ourselves, it happens to the child too.

Ironically, the medicine of this is that the unregulated child demands that we be present & come back to them.

It may cause some children to feel that they constantly want their mother’s attention after this, or that they don’t want to be around their mothers at all, they may become hyperactive & hypersensitive, act out, or appear not fully in their bodies.

The child is showing how they are feeling on the inside, that they feel ungrounded, untethered, or have disconnected from their body.

When the child disconnects from the Mother they feel as though their roots have been severed.

They find it hard to be still & connect w others or inwards because connection doesn’t feel safe anymore, the absent of it is too much for a little one to bear or to understand.

And yet, as Mothers, we can’t help this.. going through trauma is a part of experiencing life.

And it’s no one’s fault, no one is to blame for a Mother going through trauma & disconnecting from herself, she is only doing her best.

And it’s never too late to heal this, no matter how old our babies are or if they’ve grown up.

Because when we heal ourselves & come more into our bodies, our babies start to feel us again & start to be able to regulate more & we start to see some improvement.

The Mother can repair herself & help her little one w support & awareness.

By putting herself, her healing & her relationship to her child at the front of all else & take the time to expand into this space & by going w the flow & progress of the child.

Doing this could mean:

-Connection back to self & body

-Connection to friends & partners

-Connection to our babies

-Healing our Ancestors & Lineages

-Being more present in life & in the moment

-Better intimacy

-Acknowledging feelings

-Becoming more authentic & self aware

-Finding your path


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