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This is Healing

The last week I’ve been experiencing a lingering irritability.

It sparked my nerves, I felt like I was a chalkboard being constantly scratched, the volume in my ears were turned way up and my eye sensitivity was super heightened.

Any sound, movement, texture, smell was overpowering and so were the people around me. A constant pressure in my skull and a dull throbbing migraine that had no beginning and no end.

I couldn’t stand to be around anyone.

Everyone was too much.

Those few days of irritability now seems like a walk in the park... it built and built and built until I felt that I was on fire. My face, arms and legs were burning and tingling, I felt like I wanted to tear my skin off.

The irritability in my body was amplified in my surroundings too. It slowly started to gather itself up and was metamorphosing into a full blown growling rage.

I didn’t even know what I was angry about...

The last few days I felt it growing and I had the gall to say... There’s nothing I’m angry about anymore... I think I’ve healed that already. I feel fine. I’m fine.


So the anger heard that and turned itself up a bit...and it said... is anyone listening? I didn’t hear it that time…

So it turned itself up some more and said… can you hear me now? :)

It then turned all the way up, and became so unbearable that at one point I didn’t know what to do with myself...

My hands were fists, and I felt like stomping my feet… and still I had no idea why I was angry and I stopped trying to figure it out.

I ended up having to dance... even though I was feeling so heavy and my legs felt like led. I got up and danced.

My dance felt like some kind of an Ancestral war cry dance, there were growls coming from me and I felt myself give in to being wild and unbroken.

It turned into this powerful fire that kept growing and growing until it became me completely.

I was able to move storages of this energy with my breath and movements slowly and intentionally and the only thing I wanted to listen to was loud dark gothic metal.

I think what I dealt with the last two days is obvious if you’re reading this but it’s only obvious to me as I’m writing.

Suppression of anger.

Suppression of expression.

Suppression of the inner wild thing that is in all of us that thing needs to be expressed or there will be some shit to pay.

I wondered about Lilith and if this was the type of energy I was experiencing too.

Then today it finally bubbled up what the anger was about, and man.. I don’t think I have ever felt the purity of anger or sadness as I did today.

I had so much severe clarity that it was suddenly really easy to access my emotions that were previously covered up and hidden from me.

It’s like I took a drug of anger and sadness.. I’ve been wailing all day, I lay on the floor, I ended up crying on my altar and even though I felt like hell and spellbound with blinding migraines...

I could feel myself coming alive bc of the purity of it.

And sometimes feeling into the purity of the emotion is a type of freedom, especially since our world has so many numbing devices.

I felt I was being called to experience this in order to really free myself of it.

I lit my altar candle and I prayed from this pure place and a wave of peace and silence fell over me.

I started to observe the textures on my altar, the reflection of the candle light and the breeze moving through my curtains.. and then caressing my arms I felt the coolness of the outside air... no longer on fire.

I asked for help from my loving guides. Please help me, and they replied very simply, We are helping you, this is healing… don’t even try to stop it, you asked for this.

It's always at this moment that I remember the climb to the top of the mountain is hard but rewarding because you get to see the view from all around, you get to come out of your drama... and then you get to enjoy the ride down.

You've conquered, you've gone through the eye of the needle, you've let something go and had a courageous healing.

This is it.

I got it finally and sat up straight and said with all my heart THANK YOU.

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