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  • Writer's pictureDeborah Bright Wolf

Letting go of toxic friendships

Small trigger warning ⚠️ If you have sexual abuse triggers please read w support & care for yourself.


You do not need to have people in your life, whether family or friends that don’t get you, cannot hold you, abuse you or keep you in a box & won’t accept that you’ve grown.

You are allowed & entitled to making your circle one where you feel safe.

I recently witnessed someone close to me share their traumatic story to their family, but this family member waited until the story was over & said, “anyway, let’s go to the pub”.

I saw how this behavior had repeated btwn them for years ~ but nothing was ever done about it because ‘family’.

It reminded me of my own experience…

I held onto a friendship longer than I should have, even after experiencing a deep betrayal ~ one where my friend remained friends w someone who attempted to rape me ~ & I found out through a photo of them on social media.

I didn’t get a proper apology & I remained friends w them after this…

Why would I do that?

& Why did my first friend not leave his family member sooner?

Perhaps loyalty, fear of rocking the boat, people pleasing, or not enough self love or self worth…

The truth is, my friend looked like a friend but was not a friend & the offences were repeated in a myriad of ways over the years, but I kept pushing them under the rug.

Until one day it manifested in this ultimate betrayal.

It’s taken years to be able to see this clearly & see how staying connected to her was my attempt to snub out my feelings of anger, betrayal & heartbreak.

After doing the work on myself I’ve realised ~ hey, wait a sec, it’s actually NOT ok..

I was faced w admitting that I was worth more than how I was being treated, that my feelings were valid & it was time to exit the friendship.

Sometimes when you’re in an abusive relationship, it can take a while to realise how angry you are ~ & how staying connected to that person when you haven’t addressed your true feelings is a form of self-harm.

If I was able to recover the friendship I would have, but if it keeps repeating or you feel something is ‘off’, chances are it probably is.

Time to put it in the fire & let it become what it needs to.

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