Disassociation and the Sexual Body
Early trauma had caused an absence to any sense of my body which made it possible for me to disappear into total disassociation for most of my life.
This disassociation had also blocked me from accessing traumatic memories that were unknown to me but were stored in my body.
And this made it easier for me to dissolve my body & access other realms of consciousness.
It worked as a protective mechanism, but that can only last so long..
At some stage we need to recognize that we no longer need to disassociate, that we are safe to be in our body, safe to feel pleasure & all our emotions.
I was gone from my body for a long time, to the point where I chose partner’s who didn’t need me to be embodied fully, because they weren’t themselves.. so I got away w being ‘gone’ all too easily.
To the point where I wouldn’t listen to the basic needs, instincts, desires or emotions of my body ~ which only caused it to get louder.. until it presented itself w situations that ‘woke me up’, & made me hit rock bottom.
It’s the total somatic body sense that brought me back to myself many years later, that let me feel & listen to myself & unlock all the places my energy hid & lay dormant.
I contained so much of my own energy when I didn’t allow myself to feel or speak my truth.
Until I basically got really sick..
I’ve spent the last ten years trying everything I could to find myself again.
It’s a work in progress, it’s never one thing, one shaman, one session, one plant medicine journey..
It’s a culmination of it all & a dedication of yourself to choose healing & deeply listen.
This is the heroes journey.
Today, I walked into a room w a complete stranger who worked on my sexual wounds through my body & my Yoni.
This is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this, up to this point I had even ignored my sexual side, something I’m quickly realizing was the core to my issues.
I feel liberated & empowered, like I've come back to life and woken from a slumber.
I’m proud that I have finally gotten to a stage on my journey that included sexual healing.
Highly recommend if it resonates 🌹