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  • Writer's pictureDeborah Bright Wolf

Collecting the parts of ourselves after a break-up

After a break up, we begin to collect the parts of ourselves that were sacrificed for the relationship to make it work. Parts that we didn’t think we needed, & if present; would have caused the relationship to ultimately end.

A bridge was created between ourselves & those missing pieces, where we feel incomplete until those pieces are returned to its rightful place.

The longer they stays away, the further we get from ourselves & who we are, & our light begins to diminish.

No relationship can withstand this pressure; where one or both partners’ has sacrificed important aspects of themselves to make it work.

The truth in us will always try to express itself & will create a forever-aching feeling that shows up through our health, how we go after what we want, see ourselves, relate to each other & attach to each other.

These abandoned pieces that we put down to save the relationship are detrimental to who we are, & to our life force energy.

When we put our needs, desires, truths, dreams, instincts, gut feelings, to the side & ignore the red flags & body signals; we get Spiritually sick & disconnect from ourselves.

There is no substitute for our abandoned parts, & no relationship, or other person can fill the holes that has been left.

These parts can & do return in time w the more work we do on ourselves, & the more truth we speak.

In Shamanism we call this Soul loss; in Somatic work we call it inner child work or working w fragmented parts of ourselves that disconnected during trauma; we find these missing pieces & call them back in, after establishing a sense of safety again.

But if we haven’t dealt with the root cause of why we are so willing to give ourselves away, put our partner’s needs before our own, disappear in a relationship, or not talk about how we truly feel, then we will be challenged again w the next person.

When those missing pieces are been picked up & reclaimed; there is a fear that they will become lost again in the next relationship, so instead of jumping in, we hold back.

There is more work to be done here, where we recognize our tendencies to lose ourselves in another person & put down what we actually want out of a relationship just to get a hit of love & attention.

This kind of love & attention doesn’t last.

It is quickly used up if we are with a person that doesn’t meet our needs.

Not every person can fulfill all our needs, but establishing our most important ones need to be mapped out so we don’t jump in blindfolded.

We need to establish exactly what we want out of a person & sometimes it takes a few of the ‘wrong persons’ to reveal this to us.

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