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  • Writer's pictureDeborah Bright Wolf

What my heart issue taught me

About 9 months ago the electricity in my heart malfunctioned, causing the top of my heart to stop and the bottom to work harder.

It was triggered after a sweat lodge, but it wasn’t because of the sweat lodge.

It was my inner child who had had enough.

Enough of being so serious about healing, enough of the sweat lodges, and the masculine and rigid outlook that I had about healing myself and enough of not making time to integrate and just be.

My inner child was crying out for me to listen to her and care for her better but I was in a constant state of purging and upheaval, + stopped being a participant in my own life.

I put my healing ahead of everything and I always felt I was chasing something.

I was being trained to become a Pipe Carrier, something I was wholeheartedly walking towards, but I had been veered off my path unexpectedly.

Spirit approached me in a Dream + showed me that I was holding on too tightly to my dreams and that I needed to hand it over to Great Spirit who will decide if this dream is to be.

So I let them go and to my shock I immediately left the lodge and developed a heart issue.

For a long time I thought; what had I done to deserve this? Was I being punished?

I had no idea that it was all for my benefit, all to heal my inner child, connect me to my life force energy and turn me into a better healer, person + mother.

Leaving the Lodge and developing a heart issue saved me.

And COMING INTO MY FEMININE ENDED UP HEALING MY HEART ISSUES, today my cardiologist said that my heart is healthy and perfect 💓

And I had to really TRUST that Spirit was leading me somewhere, I didn’t know where, all I knew that I was being forced to stop the way I was going.

I didn’t know a thing about the feminine way of integrating or anything of the somatic body, or needing to express my feelings safely and how important sexual life force energy is as the master healer.

I didn’t know it, but I learnt it and still am ~ because this was exactly what I needed and what I wasn’t learning from my old Teacher.

I was so loyal that I would have stayed there forever, but Spirit wanted me to learn these skills, otherwise I would be incomplete and it’s exactly what I needed.

I see many people do the same thing; jump on the bullet train to healing without getting off at any stops to be in their own life.

I see how they, like me were trapped in a trauma vortex and it was all about fixing, shedding more and becoming better.

I didn’t understand that this was not what my nervous system needed, I needed rest and recovery time between all the purging.

I needed to be in my body + listening to it.

Being on a bullet train with no rest + integration became inauthentic + damaging to my nervous system.

It was all Yang energy, I had to learn to find my Ying, + when I did ~ I ended up embodying all the wisdom I had learnt.

Pachamama gives us a blueprint of how to live harmoniously ~ there’s a time for active shedding + there’s a time for resting + integrating ~ neither is more important than the other, but both are necessary.

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