I pretended I was ok, but I stopped dreaming, stopped loving myself, & didn’t speak my truth because I was too afraid of activating my beautiful core wounds: loneliness, rejection & shame. Hello.
But by ignoring them, I was already well in these activated wounds.
My wounds showed up in the way I treated myself, how I interacted w others, my negative thoughts & how I ignored my reflection as much as I ignored the red flags in my relationships.
I fell far down the hole & lost myself.
My body cried out in red alert mode by becoming sick, inflamed & tired.
I became physically heavier to keep me in my body because I was so dissociated.
My nervous system totally wrecked & I developed PTSD & became suicidal.
I attached to unhealthy relationships that made me feel ‘safe’ but not loved.
I had no boundaries, & developed a high-functioning fawn response.
I became allergic to everything, could no longer work full time, or look after myself.
I was forced to heal.
I was called to a Shaman who became my teacher for the next 8 years & helped pull me out of the abyss by holding my hand in it.
I suddenly wasn’t alone anymore.
I had someone who could explain all this to me in a language that my Soul knew.
I learnt that I was going through an initiation, that I was being called to let go of my old self & move onto a version of me that was more aligned w who I was becoming.
This Shamanic path was asking me to trust this process, surrender & have faith.
To face each layer & go through it.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I felt that each time I had gone through a layer, that I was dying again & again, but I kept noticing that I was becoming lighter & more myself.
I was becoming wiser, more patient, & trusting & was seeing the beauty in the world again & eventually my outer world began to reflect my inner world.
I discovered that Shamanism was about removing the heavy layers & unlearning who we think we are & becoming the luminous Souls that we came into this world as & when we do this enough, we can align w our highest path.
Healing is a long but rewarding journey. It is totally possible to heal & I am living proof of this.
Don’t give up 💕
The wounds that we have been handed can be alchemised and turned into super powers that can inevitably heal our own life on profoundly deep levels and allow us to be a guide for others and hold their hand in the dark.